so long today
Eventually, the guy who’s disappeared last week did not come back.
Now it became completely no matter (at least for me).
As I heard (but kinda nusumi-giki):
He sometimes appears to the messenger.
He appears to mixi as well. (mixi? Rather than N-san’s calling? Ha!)
And he’s going to see the mental doctor.
(about the last one, N-san says “it’s not that kinda thing.”
…can’t translate well. “souiu level no mondai ja nai to omoundakedo.”)
how?
There are always some risks. I have to take them, to keep the things I need.
Uhhhhhhhhhhh
kinda surprise
My motivation is going toward abroad. Surprising.
Wa-wa-!
After I came back from London more than two years ago, I decided I would stay in Jap forever, and move to Tokyo. In fact, before I went to London, I haven’t been interested in the city of Tokyo at all. But it changed.
After London and after my alone journey around east (middle? ) Europe, I went to Seattle and NYC. Maybe the trip to NYC changed something. And my life in Tokyo did as well. Now I became less realistic than before. When I was 20 (in London), I was thinking what to do in there. I needed the REASON to be there. So after I lost the reason (after I finished my studying at uni in London), I was kinda impatient about being there. I though I should go back to Jap as soon as possible.
Now I have no reason. I don’t know if I need the reason.
One of the reasons for my going to London was,
runaway.
Runaway from my uni in such a place in the city of “love and wisdom” (!).
My university was located in the suburb. There are almost nothing around there.
Every evening, the sun was extremely huge and bright, like burning.
I hated it. I really hated the sun, which was so huge, so bright, so calm, and so beautiful. I thought that the hugeness of the sun was almost ridiculous. That made me sicken. (And no friend could understand why I feel so against the sun. Only one parson did later, but he was not there at that time. )
My university was so quiet. It was a new building - so clean and nice architecture. Quite simple one.
And that simplicity easily swallowed me in a quite simple way.
It was hard for me to continue being there,
And went to London.
Silly reason. Really silly.
It couldn’t be helped if someone laughed at me.
Or, I should have been laughed at. Laughed at by someone cleaver, or someone not cleaver. But no one did. Everyone was like the sun I hate. The sun looked as if it was laughing at me, but it was NOT. Same. Everyone looked as if they were laughing at me, but they weren’t.
They just didn’t care.
So I left there for a while.
(And what was worse, I also saw the ridiculous huge and beautiful sun in London, in Dublin, in Glasgow, in Edinburgh, in Barcelona, in Paris, in Berlin, in Prague, in Vienna, in Budapest, and again in London!)
Now I do not see the sun like that.
Hey, where is my reason?
Taller.
The guy I liked when I was high school was so tall.
When I was that age, I did not know how tall I was.
Now I almost hate my height.
(How lovely and charming the girls walking around the city are!)
(So, when I am in abroad, I feel so comfortable.)
(But that makes me worse.)
find a new life
Next is a story of my ex. friend ( I haven’t seen her for over a year).
She was interested in fashion, and design things. After finishing high school, she went to TANDAI to study about design and after that, she began to work for a small, independent brand in Nagoya. But it did not last so long: she couldn’t get along with the people there. I could easily imagine how it was, because she is not that kinda parson. I mean, not the “mode-type” or “fashion people”. This is about tree years ago.
The next time I saw her, she was working at starbucks. She looked so happy with her job, and indeed she was enjoying it.
The last time I met her, she told us the story of her trip to YAKU-SHIMA, saying, “I found a new life: kind of re-born!”
Now she is working at Starbucks in OKINAWA. She moved there. IJU simasita. She makes coffee in the morning, and works at IZAKAYA in the evening.
Working at STABA, she is enjoying her new life in OKINAWA. No more fashion things. 23.
(what a life!)
One of our common friends told me this. I haven’t met her for a long, and I will not meet her for a long again.
She is so far away from here, and from me.
About a smart guy.
(The previous entry concerns with this entry.)
A few month ago, I met a guy who I would love to meet for a long time. I admire him for his writing, music, and thinking. We knew each other, but it was the first time we met. We talked, and talked. Nice time. Both enjoyed (he SAID so). We met several time after that, and emailed as well. I’ve got so many profitable info and stories from him. He was smart and cleaver as always.
I thought I was really lucky to meet him and be a friend.
Smart people have peculiar eyes.
All smart people I know have the same eyes. They are seeing me, but not me. (For, I can’t catch their eyes. I know it.) I sometimes feel uncomfortable with these eyes ……not “uncomfortable”…how can I say… maybe I’m just afraid.
But,
Do they know how I see them?
Do they know how my eyes try to catch their eyes?
Does he know? Maybe not.
(i just wonder: how did they get such eyes?)
