kinda surprise

My motivation is going toward abroad. Surprising.
Wa-wa-!

After I came back from London more than two years ago, I decided I would stay in Jap forever, and move to Tokyo. In fact, before I went to London, I haven’t been interested in the city of Tokyo at all. But it changed.
After London and after my alone journey around east (middle? ) Europe, I went to Seattle and NYC. Maybe the trip to NYC changed something. And my life in Tokyo did as well. Now I became less realistic than before. When I was 20 (in London), I was thinking what to do in there. I needed the REASON to be there. So after I lost the reason (after I finished my studying at uni in London), I was kinda impatient about being there. I though I should go back to Jap as soon as possible.

Now I have no reason. I don’t know if I need the reason.

One of the reasons for my going to London was,
runaway.

Runaway from my uni in such a place in the city of “love and wisdom” (!).

My university was located in the suburb. There are almost nothing around there.

Every evening, the sun was extremely huge and bright, like burning.

I hated it. I really hated the sun, which was so huge, so bright, so calm, and so beautiful. I thought that the hugeness of the sun was almost ridiculous. That made me sicken. (And no friend could understand why I feel so against the sun. Only one parson did later, but he was not there at that time. )

My university was so quiet. It was a new building - so clean and nice architecture. Quite simple one.
And that simplicity easily swallowed me in a quite simple way.

It was hard for me to continue being there,
And went to London.
Silly reason. Really silly.
It couldn’t be helped if someone laughed at me.
Or, I should have been laughed at. Laughed at by someone cleaver, or someone not cleaver. But no one did. Everyone was like the sun I hate. The sun looked as if it was laughing at me, but it was NOT. Same. Everyone looked as if they were laughing at me, but they weren’t.

They just didn’t care.

So I left there for a while.

(And what was worse, I also saw the ridiculous huge and beautiful sun in London, in Dublin, in Glasgow, in Edinburgh, in Barcelona, in Paris, in Berlin, in Prague, in Vienna, in Budapest, and again in London!)

Now I do not see the sun like that.

Hey, where is my reason?