Though I guess you do not read this,

what I am writing here is for me more interesting than what I am writing there. Because I am so honest here and chotto tanjun ppoi .

I’d been thinking that English is not enough to represent what I want to say, but I’ve got to know that Japanese is too much. I was completely defeated by Japanese. English is much more kinder to me than Japanese, and I know that is because I can’t use English properly. (My English level is, as you can see, low.)

My thinking is as the same level as my poor English.

And I hide almost nothing here. I am really honest here with English. In there, I am hiding so many things. I’m just afraid of being read by people, people I know and people I like. And I’m really afraid that they might notice how boring and how stupid I actually am.

Some link-saki are listed on this page, but I guess they do not read (they can’t read this poor English).
Hey, are you reading here? You might get disappointed.

kind of letter

I know how silly it is to write this, but I do.

Same.
Unchanged.
Loop.
But changed.
How?
Boredom.
Weak.
Too much strongness.
Enough.
But insufficient.
Why?

And again,

why?

I am thinking about almost the same thing for nearly 10 years. Not tired, but sicken. 10 years! Do I have to have 10 more years? Kidding.

idea

For what?

1.
Accordion style. Endlessly long. Photos of all books I have. (nnn--- it’s arikitari) And the other side, letters from book. So many, too many letters. Randomly typed.

2.
Arm. Skinny, girl’s arm. Moves, and changes the forms. Accordion style as well. Flower. Background: white. Flower falls. Arm tries to catch it. Try, and try. Continues. For about 15p? Enough.

3.
Accordion (fixed). One side is a girl. The other side is a boy. “As she said” + “As he said”. One pic and one Japanese letter written in Roma-ji (e.g. O/YA/SU/MI). their mounth forms it.
Oh, this one is a bit kudaranai-ne.

like vomiting (kitanai)

I’m spitting out so many words. Almost sicken.
Writing all the day, for work, for here, for there…
And for work, that is painful.
No, it’s wrong.
I feel the pain when I see my writings for work.
Not when I am writing.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicken.

wa- wa- wa-

Feel so uncomfortable with that writings.
My writing also seems so stupid one. Painful.

So, what you gonna do?

Think.

And plan.

about the disappearing guy (tuzuki)

Though I did not know (as always), it was not the first time he disappeared. Last time, he came back, saying “sorry I had bad headache.” ( I think it is a perfect excuse.)

Now everyone knows his disappearing.

And everyone knows he will never come back.

about a friend of my friend (i.e. TANIN)

He works for a film production or something.
Last week he got the two-day-holiday for the first time since April. His work is so heavy as well as any other production GYOKAI. He can get only 150,000 yen/month.

In the night he becomes so sentimental.

On the day of July 7th 2005, a girl, who he loved since junior high school, told him that she’s got a lover.
That stroked him deeply.
Since then, he's been crying every night. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for over one year!

He works in Odaiba. When it comes to night and when he has a little free time, he walks around there, thinking of the girl, crying.
And as the sky turns brighter, he goes back to his real world.
(But which is the real? Love-thinking? Or crazy work? Anyway he’s having such a life.)

This is the story that my friend told me.

It’s so sad but,

like a comedy.

(So sorry for him.)